Twenty-one more days, three weeks, five hundred and four hours. That’s how much time I have before one the biggest events since my arrival in Melbourne on January 10, 2007.
What could this momentous occasion be? Helping to plant a new Church? Getting a job in the local school system? Finally finding a sport that I am actually good at? No its much more serious than that…on June 26 my parents will be flying from Los Angeles to Melbourne Australia which makes me incredibly nervous. Not the “son we don’t love you any more” kind of nervous, but more like an anxiety that activities won’t go as planned.
In honor of their visit I am listing the top twenty-one things that need to be done before mom and dad visit.
1. Clean the house
Editors Note: This will fit into my mother’s definition of the word “clean” as opposed to mine, which consists of sweeping dirt under things
2. Get Groceries that don’t have the words cheese filled, battered, fried, or ramen in them
3. Put family photos on the wall and act as if they have been there for years
4. Find family photos
5. Explain to the dog that he is no longer allowed to sleep on the bed at night
6. Get a new dog
7. Take a picture of my pet kangaroo Skippy tied to the tree out back
8. Figure out how much to charge for rent
Editors Note: That’s a joke; please don’t tell my mom I said this
9. Locate the mop and broom
Kidding I know exactly where they are, have been in the same spot for five months
10. Brush up on my cooking skills
Step one open box, step two preheat oven
11. Seriously clean the house
12. Plan “authentic” Australian activities (riding kangaroos, throwing boomerangs)
13. Teach them what a real cappuccino is
14. Introduce them to the world’s greatest invention…the Tim Tam
15. Threaten my Australian friends within an inch of their lives about sharing those embarrassing stories
16. What are you doing typing this? CLEAN THE HOUSE!
17. Get ready to make them an authentic Australian meal
Editors Note: This would be sausages off the barbecue (that’s grill for yanks)
18. Help them embrace the Metric system (Celsius and Kilometers)
Failure to do this will result in their facing the greatest form of Australian punishment, eating a spoonful of Vegemite
Go ahead and google the word Vegemite I’ll wait, disgusting isn’t it?
19. Make them sing the Essendon Fight Song
Go ahead and google Essendon…you know you want to
20. Explain that in Melbourne there is a law that demands you give your firstborn child twenty dollars every day
21. Ask my mother to clean the house
Just kidding mom…but at least you will know where the mop and broom are