From the Archives: My Apology To the Nation of Australia

When I started http://www.australianmissionary.com three years ago it was meant to share a complete view of missions with prayer supporters and friends.  Often we focus on sharing ministry updates and don’t share the funny, challenging, or even frustrating side of missions.  Out of all the articles I wrote over last thirty-six months this is my favourite because it does share a funny side to the life of Missionaries.  My Apology was originally written on July 21 and will probably always h0ld the record of my blog’s busiest day with seventy-one individuals visiting…I hope it brightens your day.

Dear People of Australia,

A few months ago on April 13 I wrote a blog post entitled:  The Girl Truck Incident, and what it taught me about the Aussie culture discussing how Australians like to test individuals character before accepting them as friends.  It has come to my attention that this post may have caused people to believe that Aussies enjoy giving people a hard time and point out every embarrassing moment in their lives.  Please allow me to explain the people of Australia enjoy having a good time but NEVER have a laugh or joke at another persons expense for ANY reason.
Take last Saturday for instance when I went to a picnic with friends from my Church.  Many of my actions that day deserved ridicule:  Pouring oil on the barbecue (that’s grill for yanks) and watching it promptly go up in flames, said flames consuming a pastry one of my friends was cooking on the grill with tin foil, trying to flick a fly off my potato salad only to send a piece of potato flying while the fly mocked me, or singing the United States Marine Corp song on the way home (it was a long trip folks).

Did my Aussie friends make fun of me after these things happened?  Of course not!  Instead they sat quietly with very strained looks on their faces then ran to gather behind a tree a few hundred yards away for some reason.  Sill amazed at how the wind rustling through the leaves sounds like five people laughing hysterically.

Furthermore the Australians are a quiet natured and reserved people who enjoy nothing better than spending the afternoon drinking a cup of peppermint tea and listening to classical music on the radio.  Any idea you have received from me that they are sports crazed individuals  who demand you pick a team to cheer for is completely and utterly false.  Hang on a second…(looking off to the right) “do I have to write utterly?” (sighing deeply).  Yes it is completely and utterly false.

Also some of you have gotten the idea from my writings that Aussie culture revolves around coffee (cappuccino in particular) as if they need caffeine every minute of the day.  This is absolutely untrue…they can go for a good hour without coffee.

Finally allow me to say the post I wrote on May 11, 2012 entitled “dispelling Australian myths” is a complete fabrication.  In reality it’s a law that everyone has to say “throw another shrimp on the barbie” and “gday mate” while eating a blooming onion from Outback Steakhouse and wearing a kangaroo leather hat.  Of course you have to share some of the onion with your pet kangaroo skippy tied to the tree out back as well.

In closing I am very, very sorry for portraying the people of Australia in a negative light.  This will never, never, never happen again I promise.

Respectfully Submitted,

John Wilburn

p.s.-Can I have my dog back now?

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John Wilburn

Church planter, teacher, and disciple-maker in Barrouallie St. Vincent

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